Was Captain Kirk an illegal alien?

It sure would help if they were all white…

And if they all talked in English … that would be a good thing. And if they were all Christian, or at least looked like what we think Christians are supposed to look like…

If only those people on the other side of that border, those people so desperate to get into this country looked and sounded more like some folks think Americans used to look and sound…

Y’know, if only they were more like, oh, Canadians.

Yeah. No need for a wall up there.

I was closing out Christmas last week – taking the fake tree down to the cellar and the season’s crop of holiday cards out to be recycled when a last glance at my cousin’s photo Christmas greeting reminded me of pleasant time spent on their back deck overlooking the Rainy River and southern Ontario. Yep, they’re living right on the frontier…their property line doubles as an international boundary and by law borrowing a cup of sugar across the back fence would require a passport and signed international trade agreement … that is, of course, if there were a back fence in the first place.

It seems that little detail of international comity has been sorely neglected along the line were we rub shoulders with the Great White North. Looking around their neighborhood the only fences to be seen on either side of the river were rather flimsy affairs, put up to keep dogs and small children from straying off. I suppose that’s especially important what Fido might leave near the neighbors’ petunias could well spark an international incident.

Of course there is the not entirely small natural barrier created by the rive --  and the Rainy is no less grand than the Rio 1,700 miles to the south – although it must be admitted that were a family of fanatical jihadists to purchase the property overlooking my cousin’s backyard at this time of year there would be nothing to prevent them from casually strolling across the solidly frozen Rainy to spread all manner of murder, mayhem and general havoc

For that matter, those Canadians could be slipping in pretty much unnoticed to be taking jobs clerking at our Kwik Trips, manning our McDonalds (the Quebecois may be particularly adept with French fries) or even ringing our Taco Bells. I mean if the likes of William Shatner, Alex Trebek, Pamela Anderson and Michael J. Fox can come south to take our jobs … just where does it stop?

.On the other hand, an illicit American is equally unimpeded from hotfooting it across the frozen river to toke up a legal joint in the shadow of the Maple Leaf or slip into a clinic with a counterfeit Canadian health card for a quick no-charge colonoscopy compliments of Justin Trudeau.

That’s the trouble with us white people, we all look alike. It’s so hard to tell who belongs here and who doesn’t. Who to let in and who to toss out. Who to respect and who to scorn. Who we ought to hate on sight.

It’s hard to know who to be afraid of. Really afraid of.

It’s really hard, y’know. Tim McVey, Jim Jones, Ted Bundy … who would have thought such nice looking white guys would do things like that?  Every one of ‘em speaking English and not a keffiyeh in the bunch. John Wayne Gacy was Pogo the Clown before he got caught with 29 kids buried under his house.

Y’ look at ‘em and y’look at ‘em, but you just can’t tell.

On the other hand, it’s real easy to spot a brown skin; a Spanish accent; a hijab in the checkout line. Yeah, one glance – ISIS, MS-13, -- something illegal goin’ on, that’s for sure.

Or they’re out to get your job. Marry your daughter. Get on welfare.

It’s all y’need to know to be afraid. To be very afraid.

Want to see an open border? Go to Montana. North Dakota. My cousin’s back yard.

If those Canadians ever start talking in Spanish, this country is in real trouble, eh?

Yah, you betcha!