Me and #me too

It was a pleasant evening with friends and I don’t know how we got to talking about Al Franken, but we did.

I made a comment and the evening wasn’t quite so pleasant anymore.

In fact, it became downright uncomfortable.

Cliché or no cliché, the truth hurts.

One woman put it in terms even a guy could understand: “You don’t have to have a penis hanging out to be offensive…”

Face it, when it comes to some things, us guys are just not very bright. Or very honest.

“How many times have you had somebody walk by and grab your butt?’ I was asked. The look on her face and tone of her voice made it pretty clear this was not the time for me to crack-wise.

“Uh … can’t say I recall … ever.,” I said, knowing pretty much exactly where this was leading.

But she told me anyway. Like pups that mess in the corner, sometimes, in order to get the message, us guys need to have our noses rubbed in it.

“Why would you think he wouldn’t have done it?” she challenged. Ticking off the assurances given by power, privilege and the reasonable presumption that the woman wouldn’t say or do anything about it..

“And if she did, nobody’d believe her.”

“It’s the way it’s always worked.”

Yeah, that’s the way it had always worked.

In honesty, I really can’t say that came as new information. It’s something we guys have known since, well since we’ve known we’re guys. If we don’t act like total Neanderthals; if we don’t cross the line into criminal assault; if we stay clear of the boss’s wife, sister, daughter or favorite niece … well get away with it.

Because we all have.

I’m not going to play true confessions here, but neither the beleaguered innocent.  Mom and Dad taught us to respect women, keep our hands to ourselves and our minds out of the gutter, but Hugh Hefner, the guys down at the pool hall and out on the corner had other ideas. And a lot of those ideas sure sounded a lot like fun…

Even the saints among us were no saints. Call it guilt by association or accessory after the fact, but guy who didn’t have the nerve or the opportunity saluted with approving laughter and back slaps those who did.

When it comes to guys, there isn’t a one of us who doesn’t know what we’ve all been getting away with for all these years.

The truth is – and it makes us darn uncomfortable to admit it – is that when we hear a woman say “He did it,” we know he darn near always did.

And we’ve been hearing that a lot lately.

Hearing it on the radio, reading it in the news, seeing it discounted, denigrated and disbelieved in the White House and on TV it’s business as usual. In the twitterverse of fake news, who knows who you can believe.

But when the stories are told by old friends, classmates, people you love, not believing is no longer an option. And on the story’s other side, a dentist, an eye doctor, an uncle, an in-law, family friend or shift boss at the corner burger joint. Not criminal, but crude, disconcerting and unwelcome.

“It’s my body. I get to say who touches it,” she said.

That say-so was taken away. And without exception, the taker got away with it.

No surprise there. Not if we’re honest about it.

But honesty can be hard to come by. Like they say, the truth hurts.

And the truth is, regardless of how many tweet at #MeToo, change, if it ever happens, is going to take awhile. But meantime, all over, guys are scratching their heads and looking over their shoulders.

We’re finally starting to hear the women and we know they’re telling the truth.

And the truth hurts.